Your Tribe Matters

You can_t succeed if the people around you are satisfied with mediocrity.

“You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”
– Jim Rohn

If I were to narrow down the five people I spend the most time with, it’d be my roommates “D” and “K”, our artist friend “A”, and probably my coworkers from my day job. Ever since I’ve known them, they’ve indirectly propelled me towards greater success. This is why.

“D” is industrious, hardworking, and frugal as hell. If something broken can be fixed, he’ll do it, even if it looks like a wad of duct tape and glue after. If it’s functional, that’s enough for him. At 27, he has no debt, and a future career path very similar to Ben’s. He’s currently my closest friend.

“K” isn’t frugal, but he’s fit. He eats lean, has a 21.8 BMI – he’ll enjoy greater longevity – and he’d always rather be in a park. Thanks to him (and my coworkers who always push me), I’m now averaging 15,000 steps each day and burning 3,000 calories. Almost by accident, I’ve already lucked into ‘fit’ and ‘frugal’ just by the people who’ve moved in. It gets better.

“A” is massively frugal. She makes ethical eating choices and with that, she’s able to save on a completely different level than we do. Here are the numbers I’m able to divulge, but long story short, she’s set for retirement already. We pay attention to quantifiable happiness, seek out even more friends for our “money tribe”, and encourage each other on personal goals. She’s my main connection to Mustachianism, and she’s one of my most rewarding friendships. We’ve even hired her to make art pieces in our apartment.

As for my coworkers, they kick my ass. That’s all that needs to be said about that.

This is my tribe.

*****

You can pick and choose your tribe more than you know. If personal development is a key goal, one of the methods I used was the DRM. This sounds callous, but I evaluated some relationships recently, and started prioritizing only the ones that were healthy for me. (See: the “oxygen mask rule”.) Anything that ranked low on ‘pleasure’ and ‘purpose’ – how Paul Dolan quantifies happiness – got pushed aside. This, I feel, gave me room to grow.

I turned 30 recently, and I’m more protective of my emotional health than ever before. Consciously surrounding myself with positive influences has been a game changer for me because I used to booze heavily, and have low self-esteem. Now that I’ve removed people who were a bad fit, I attack my goals like I won’t get another chance!

This is why people find mentors. This is why people pay through the nose for life coaches. This is why people buy self-help books. On the other hand, if you know positive influences already, it only makes sense to make them part of your tribe. For one, it’s free! On top of that, building positive relationships is always a worthwhile effort.

Time is finite, and as a resource that can’t be reobtained, you should be obstinate about who you give it to. That having been said, you should also be a valuable tribe member for others! I hope now to build a tribe of likeminded, frugal, self-optimizers.

I think I’m off to a good start.

*****

At this current moment, frugality is what I’m trying to cultivate. I find I’m distancing myself from spendier activities, and – this is important – saying flat out ‘no’ to things I won’t enjoy. (This is strange, but in my mind, things I won’t enjoy equates to work, and do I really want to be paid nothing for my time?) Someone once told me, “If you’re not improving or enjoying yourself, you’re just wasting your fucking time.” I believe that.

Surround yourself with people with similar goals. Be friends with people better than you in the ways you want to improve. Deprioritize people holding you back. Be a beacon for others wanting to learn more from your strengths. Build your tribe.

You can’t succeed if the people around you are satisfied with mediocrity.

If this made sense to you, I’m sure you’ll find success in no time. Choose better relationships, and you’ll be better too.

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I Think It’s Time We Split Up

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My friends and I fully embraced #microtravel this weekend, and just got back from an anniversary dinner in Nanaimo, BC. I could’ve theoretically gone alone, but my need to financially optimize things brought me to two conclusions: 1) “The more the merrier”, and 2) in order to avoid paying the entire cost of my trip, it made sense to split the bill with as many people as possible. Obviously, schlepping off some of the financial burden on friends is a morally questionable position, but allow me to elaborate. For me, financial optimization isn’t just about keeping more money in my pocket. It’s also about finding a win-win situation for everyone. Here’s our story.

In order to get to Nanaimo, we had to take a ferry. Our ferry ticket there was $106.65 for my car and three people. I’d brought my roommate who happens to enjoy my Nanaimo friends’ company, and one other friend who was attending the party already, though she would’ve gone on foot. They appreciated the direct ride to Nanaimo though, so the two of them ponied up the cost of our first ticket in full. Immediate savings to me: $74.70 for me and my car. When we got there, we all had a great time at dinner, and my roommate and I stayed for two nights in a $10/night room. He didn’t need a private room of his own, so savings to him: $20. Then, because our dinner was so huge, my Nanaimo friends decided to share the wealth, and we were treated to a second dinner with all the leftovers! Two great homemade meals instead of eating out: ~$40 in savings between us. And since my roommate appreciated the impromptu vacation, he took me out for a night of beers: $20! I paid for the ferry ride back. It seemed only fair. Through our entire 3-day vacation, we all included each other as much as possible to save everyone money. Everyone felt taken care of, we all made great memories, and a trip that would’ve cost me $250 alone became half that. Friends are awesome already, but when you have a bunch of them all working towards a common goal, you can all literally profit! Here’s another example.

I had a friend paying $115/month for a 3GB phone plan. Obviously, that’s terrible, so I started asking other friends what their plans were. Answers included $70 with fewer bells and whistles, all the way up to $150! My situation was super weird because I’d complained a lot at Rogers – I’m currently sitting on a 17GB plan – so I let my family join my Share Everything plan to save them some money. Months later, there was still no way I was blowing through that much data, so I signed my friends up too. Now, I have six people on my plan and their monthly cost to cover their lines is only ~$50/person! It turns out 17GB split across six people is just about perfect. Because I had an overabundance (of data, in this case) and split it across five other people, everyone benefitted. You’ll often find splitting one big thing across multiple people is more cost-effective than everyone paying for an individual portion, so why aren’t more people doing this?!?

We already do this by taking on roommates. We already do this with group rates at events. We already do this every time we order a huge plate of nachos for the table. Why don’t we do this for everything?!?

Look for the win-win situation. Bring extra friends to split the cost of a hotel room when you’re going somewhere anyway. They might dig a spontaneous vacation. (I do this for business trips all the time.) Order the 60-piece sushi combo and get everyone to chip in. You’ll all get more variety, and everyone’s meal will be, like, $8. On a road trip, don’t be afraid to ask for gas money. We’re all in this together. I once drove five people home after a party, and they all kept trying to hand me cash because none of them had to blow $20 on a taxi. Share your WiFi with your neighbour and split the bill. Split the cost of an amazing router if you have to, but you live right next to each other. Take advantage of that! Let’s just share everything and split the cost.

If we all did this, we’d all be richer and happier. Go frugal with friends. It just might save the world.

Moving is Always an Opportunity

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“K” was moving out. My roommate and I took him in for a month while he was looking for a new place, and he literally lived in our storage closet for all of February. He never had much furniture, but that was a good thing. It meant he was more mobile. When he found a new place though, certain amenities were lacking, like tables and a couch. Luckily, I knew tons of people looking to declutter and downsize. I always see people moving as an opportunity now. After reading this, you will too.

I embrace minimalism, and I think my constant nagging to my family is paying off. My mom’s finally clearing out my dad’s belongings – he died in 2014 – and my grandmother is moving to a smaller place after my grandfather’s death last year. Long story short, lots of stuff needed to go. Selling our furniture was definitely a possibility, but I stepped in and chose to help a friend instead of capitalizing on the situation. “K” eventually got a couch and a dining set from my grandmother, and a side table from my mom. This made my inner minimalist very happy. Not only was my family regaining their space, but “K” was keeping more money in his pocket and only took what he needed. Nothing was wasted, and no one blew too much on a junk removal company. It was win-win all around. Moving is an endless source of living space recalibration, even when it’s not -US- doing the moving. When a friend moves, maybe it’s time to look around our living space and throw our shit away based on what they need. Regular generosity is pretty kickass already, but generosity that streamlines our lives and improves our living space? Fucking amazing.

I often find I can get stuff from people when they move too. Maybe their old couch won’t fit, or they just got a bigger bedroom and are replacing their queen with a king. A more enterprising mind can make thousands off these transactions. To a family pressed for time, speedy junk removal is a luxury and people really don’t care where their stuff ends up. Take it. Old mattress in good shape? $150 on Craigslist. Old 32” TV? $100. Old home theatre speakers? $200. If you’re willing to put in the time when ANYONE moves, you can either cash in or streamline your living situation. You’ll always look like the good guy too, since you’re either helping get rid of stuff or giving it away. WHY DOES NO ONE DO THIS.

I personally choose NOT to make money on people’s moves though. It’s much more rewarding for me to send people off with great stuff for free. As my mom decluttered, I gave away a mattress last month. I’ve got a free table up for grabs now. Besides, remember you don’t own anything. If you’re not using it regularly, isn’t it just selfish and stupid to store it underutilized in your home? If more people listened, NO ONE WOULD NEED TO BUY FURNITURE AGAIN. Instead, people blow thousands on tables and chairs, then pay hundreds 10 years later for 1-800-GOT-JUNK to haul it all away. Don’t be like them.

Embrace a community where people share Stuff as needed. Give away your Stuff when you’re not using it. If someone is getting rid of Stuff, take it or sell it. It’s not hard, guys. When people move, take it as an opportunity to improve your life. Maybe that way, we’d all be a little happier and minimalism will become the norm. That’s the kind of world I want to live in. Heck, it might even save the environment.

(FYI, that table is still up for grabs. Ping me on Facebook.)