Pride Was Making Me Poor

my pride cost me

When people ask me what I do for a living, I don’t even hesitate. “I’m a wedding photographer,” I tell them. “I’ve been doing it for 10 years!” Lately, the next question has been weirder: “So you do it full-time?”

That’s usually where my brain stalls.

*****

The truth is, no, I don’t do it full-time. I haven’t done it full-time since 2015, but how do I explain to people I was only shooting “30 days a year” and making ends meet, but decided to take on “three days a week” working at a liquor store too? A quick bit of napkin math then reveals an unglamorous truth: I actually work as a liquor store clerk 5x more than I do as a photographer! Though being solely a wedding photographer was enough for me to get by, I realized that a boost in income from working a regular job too allowed me to save more, attack my debt, and get out of the house more. By the numbers alone though, I’m more a liquor store clerk than I am a photographer! WHY WAS I LYING TO PEOPLE?

Well, there are two answers to that: 1) It’s a matter of marketability. In order to get more wedding bookings, I needed to present myself as a wedding photographer first. Presenting myself as a liquor store clerk isn’t gonna get me more liquor store bookings, ya dig? 2) I had a lot of pride associated with being a wedding photographer. Entrepreneurship was sexy, wage labour was not.

I was actually turning down shifts because in my mind, I was a wedding photographer first. It wasn’t until I decided to help my coworkers out during the holidays that I realized how much I was saying no to. In 2017, because there were times I’d rather be sitting at home just content with being a wedding photographer, one of my lowest liquor store paycheques was $389.14 for two weeks. My most recent paystub just arrived: If I pushed my limits a bit, two weeks could net me $1,048.01! My pride cost me over $1,300 a month.

Someone coined a word for this a while back: “egotrage”, what Mr. Groovy calls “The strategy of advancing your financial position by doing something that is ‘beneath’ your socioeconomic status.” In that article, he talks about how his ego kept him from attaining wealth at an early age. “A man of my stature–I did have an illustrious journalism degree from Long Island University, after all–didn’t wash cars.” (Sound like anyone you know?)

I’ll just admit it: I was afraid. I was afraid that working 40 hours a week doing wage labour would somehow negate everything I’d built as an entrepreneur. In reality, I’m adding to it. The extra income will allow me to buy that Profoto A1 with less financial strain on my business. My seniority at the store will allow me to increase my flexibility with time off, letting me take on new photo opportunities. Simply getting out of the house will improve my mental health and allow me to form new connections with people. It was all an obvious win, but my pride was holding me back! Well, it’s time to let that go. From now on, I’m no longer allowing “wedding photographer” to be my defining attribute to the detriment of everything else.

On the other hand, I have no idea how to introduce myself at parties now. Thoughts?

*****

“So, what do you do for a living?”

“Uh, I’ve got, like, five jobs. Can we please talk about something else?”

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