This is gonna be the sappiest post I’ve ever made, so buckle up. There ain’t no brakes on the love train. I’m gonna show you how to improve your relationships AND save a boatload of money. You don’t even need to read this book! Since I’m a huge fan of book summaries, let’s see if I can knock this out in 700 words. It’s time to make YOU sexy and rich.
Listen, unbridled generosity sucks. In this article, I discouraged people from spending money on their loved ones when there are so many free ways to show you care. “Be generous with your time,” I said. Well, love is a tricky thing, and I was foolish to oversimplify. The fact is: EVERYONE EXPRESSES AND ACCEPTS LOVE IN DIFFERENT WAYS. In Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages”, he outlines the five main ways people show and accept love: quality time, devotion, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gift giving. Take a wild guess which one’s my least favourite.
Anyway, how I express love – in the past, gift giving – wasn’t necessarily how my friends or partners RECEIVED love. In my mind, because I’m such a cheap bastard, a gift that cost me MONEY was a big fucking deal. I once bought a $500+ smartphone for a partner, for instance. To her, my gift wasn’t valuable because that wasn’t a form of affection that spoke to her. Needless to say, that relationship ended quickly.
This doesn’t just apply to romance either. After some reflection, I realized I also don’t give a shit about gifts, and in many cases, took my family’s generosity for granted. They put me through my post-secondary, for example, and I really didn’t VALUE that at the time (though I do now). My mom also performs unexpected acts of service for me to show her devotion, but these usually end up inconveniencing me in annoying ways, like that time she decided I needed a tune-up and I was like, “Uh, where the fuck is my car?”
Whether you’re trying to save money or not, it’s important in any relationship to figure out what forms of generosity really speak to your loved ones. Expensive gifts or events are almost never the solution. One of the worst offenders to come to mind is going out for a movie together. “Hey, let’s go spend quality time together by staring at a screen and not talking for two hours! This is how people form close bonds!” Ridiculous, right? There is, however, a caveat in all this… I mean, what if your partner ACTUALLY accepts love in the form of gifts? Like, what if, in all sincerity, that’s what you have to do to keep them around?
Well, decide if that’s worth it for you. No lies, this’ll probably fuck with your FI plans, but life’s about more than money. If necessary, communicate that giving gifts isn’t how YOU show love, and hope they understand. It’s rare to find relationships where your “love languages” align, but now that you’re aware of that, you can: a) stop blindly throwing money at things and events in the hopes that someone will like you, and b) start communicating in a way that will make your relationships stronger!
Figure out your “love languages”. Learn how you each GIVE and RECEIVE affection in a way that’s meaningful. Do your best to keep money completely irrelevant. This won’t make you rich overnight, but it’ll help.
In my monthly spending breakdowns, I used to have a line item for gifts, but I don’t anymore. My relationships are better than ever. As always, keep more money in your pocket and use it on what REALLY matters. Besides, if you have to constantly buy out your loved ones, you’ve got bigger things to worry about. Here’s to a richer and happier you.