Shiny Things Are Stupid

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I own many shiny things. There’s a long list, but the main items up for debate are my Canon 1D X and my admittedly ridiculous collection of PlayStations (3 PS4s, 2 PS3s and 1 PS2). While the 1D can be written off as a business expense, the gaming expenses are pretty nuts. With all the screens, controllers and games added in, we’re looking at roughly $5,000+ I’ve spent on video games. Crazy, right? Or is it? Let us know in the comments, but let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of today’s post: Why are shiny things dumb, and how can omitting them from your life improve it?

I don’t drive a nice car. I’m actually driving my mom’s shitbox Corolla and don’t tell her this, but putting a few dents in it from time to time isn’t something that worries me. I get basic insurance, and MPG is something that matters to me. I crave efficiency and practicality. On the other side of the spectrum, I see all sorts of ridiculous cars in Richmond, BC where I live: Maseratis, BMWs and miscellaneous other expensive vehicles being driven by 20-year-olds. I admit flaunting wealth can be kinda fun, but when you’re 20 with an N on the back, you just look like an idiot trying to fit in. It’s obvious you didn’t earn the money to buy said vehicle, and it’s obvious you care more about appearance than substance. Don’t be a dipshit.

But wait! What if you’re NOT a dipshit and you still buy a car you can’t afford? I sat down with my friend Mike in the UK and prices are just a wee bit crazier over there. This is the story of his Toyota GT86. In his words:

“Toyota Gt86 list price in U.K is £28000. I pay £460 a month for the car, then i have to pay car tax and insurance plus budget for fuel which has been high in proce over here. around £1.20 per liter. ($2.45)”

UH, WHAT?!? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t £28,000 about $52,723.06 in Canadian dollars? His £460/month payments are like $866.16! That’s like Vancouver rent, just for a tiny room with wheels! He also pays twice what we do for gas: £1.20 is about $2.26. WHAT. My immediate question is whom he’s trying to impress. If it’s women, I’d like to point out financial stability is far sexier in the long run than an overpriced sports car. But hey, I get it; I have toys too. IT’S JUST THAT MINE ARE 10X LESS COSTLY. But wait, it gets worse.

“as part of my contract, i have to have my car serviced by the dealer every year and there are different grades of service. my first was around £180 for oil and filter change basically which should be classed as fucking thef because i could do it myself for 1/4 the price.”

Don’t even get me started.

“year 2 was supposed to cost around £450 at toyota for the more detailed service. i found out i could get it done at any vat registered dealer. my friend has his own garage, he basically charged me for parts and a little labour. It cost me £190”

In short: Fuck you, Toyota.

I may be $22,535.05 in debt, but that was a series of hundreds and hundreds of minor mistakes. Mike made One Big Mistake and fucked his financial future in colossal ways. Luckily, he’s getting rid of it soon, and for good reason. The last time I saw him, a massive hailstorm had just hit Newcastle. His shiny GT86 was suddenly peppered with tiny dents. He lost his shit. Why put so much money into something that only causes you stress? That seems like a shitty investment! But wait, you wanna see numbers, right? Let’s run ‘em: $52,723.06, if I invested it now at 27 averaging 7% interest, IS $689,579.21 BY RETIREMENT AT 65!

Mike, sell the goddamn car. I know you’re reading this. Sell the goddamn car. Your future depends on it.

That’s just one example, but if you’re ever gonna succeed in life, you need to stop being so precious about the shit you like to keep pristine. Your shiny car is bullshit. The $1.2M mansion you’re pulling 70 hours a week for is bullshit. My PlayStation collection is bullshit. None of it matters. If it’ll cause you stress when it’s inevitably compromised in a way that WILL COST YOU EVEN MORE MONEY, it’s a poor investment. However, if it SAVES you money, or GENERATES money, you’re in the clear. That’s why my Canon 1D X isn’t stupid. That camera can make me thousands in a day. That can stay.

Here’s a Compound Interest Calculator. The next time you’re considering a Large Purchase, figure out the Real Cost and how much Money you’d have if you invest it instead. I calculate for 7% because I invest in US index funds. Literally NEVER skip this step. If you follow this advice, you’ll be richer than you ever dreamed.

See you when you’re Retired. Fancy some PlayStation?

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